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The other day at Publix I see this adorable granola couple in the cereal aisle. I so want to be granola. I want to walk around with no makeup and wear flowing hemp-dyed skirts and pierce my nose and eat only free-range, organic chicken breasts – Oh… see… there’s my problem. I couldn’t live off just nuts and legumes and sprouts. I need a big heaping serving of meat with my dinner.

But anyway, this adorably natural couple is studying the organic selections of cereals, the aisle that I don’t even glance at, and I scoot past them and on past the CooCoo Puffs and Lucky Charms to the blue Crispix box, which is what my son prefers.(He obviously didn’t get that sugarless cereal trait from me. Mind you, he will eat out of the sugar bowl by the spoonful – or even fistful if I turn my back.) The granola girl is reading the back of a cereal box and she is mumbling something. She is taller than the guy and has this fabulous short haircut and one of those long, fabric bags hanging from her shoulder. The guy has an earring in his right ear and it’s big and round and looks like the button on an elevator door. Like, if you push it something would happen. Maybe it made a sound. Anyway, he looks like a kid with his arms hanging at his sides and his head tilted back to read over his girlfriend’s shoulder. She is saying something I cannot hear and the guy throws his head back farther and raises his arms at his side. “Just pick something, OK?” he says. She mumbles back – probably knows I’m listening though I’m pretending to look for the Crispix that is right in front of my nose. He says, “Look, you’ve already restricted our food intake so much, why does it matter if it has (didnnothearthisword)!” But she doesn’t put the cereal in their basket. She just keeps reading like she’s ignoring him. He starts to fuss again and I have to smile as I turn the corner to canned goods because being healthy can actually be an annoying trait.